A loss, and all of God.

I found this while browsing - It was written recently, in view of Heath Ledger's death. I hope it strikes a chord.

"Every life matters. And every story matters. We believe that there is power in words, that honesty and community are essential, and we believe that there is value in creativity as well. There is freedom in all these things.

Today we were reminded that life is fragile and complex, and that death is real. If there is something true to find among the rumors, it might be this: Pain is real. Life is hard. (Yes, even for famous people.) Medicine can bring healing. Abused or misunderstood, it can also bring death. People get stuck in moments. Hearts break and don't fix easy.

Love is nothing easy. It is not cheap. It is the greatest thing that happens on this planet, and so it comes priced as gold. One of my best friends used to sing the words "love is war". There is the fight for holding on. And the fight for letting go. The hardest thing I have ever experienced is the learning which and when. But I still say it's worth it, that love is real and possible. There are things worth fighting for, and love is at the top of the list.

I don't know the details of Heath Ledger's life or death. Like I said, it doesn't feel like my place to guess. He was an artist, and in that - he was a damn good one. And the little bit I've read suggests he was a man who had no interest in the celebrity game - he saw right through it. He desired to be a person, not a product. He desired real things. He valued love. He believed in it.

He was a father. The great tragedy of this day is not that the world lost a famous actor. The great tragedy is that a little girl lost her daddy today. Sisters lost a brother and parents lost a son. A story ended much too soon.

But we are still here, you and me. And so the question is what to do with that. What to do with the news of the day, and this air that still remains in our lungs. I would say these things: You are not alone. Your life matters. Your story is important. You are alive tonight for a reason. You were created to love and to be loved. You were not meant to be alone. You are not alone. You were meant to do life with other people. You need people who know you. You need to know people. Your voice matters. And if you are a person in need of help, please know that help is real.
We often say that "rescue is possible". We say that because we believe it to be true. The issues we speak to - these issues are treatable. But we have to take the first step. We have to choose help. We have to choose to live healthy lives.

We are certainly strong. But we are also certainly fragile."

Suddenly, I'm not withholding words. I'm not restraining the purges of emotions. Not that I detest them when they come unexpectedly. I think I found a new form of freedom and there might be something more to it.

Carrie Underwood sung it, "Each (happy) ending's a brand new beginning." Regardless of happy or unhappy endings, brand new beginnings, begin anyway. So we're left to take it all in. We're left with a choice. It takes strength, it takes courage, to survive.

Do you hurt, but still feel alive, like never before?

A thought came to mind a few nights ago. God doesn't need us, but He took a chance on us. He loved us, He wanted us, He fought for us, He laid down His own life in exchange for all of ours. He gave us worth. He gave us what everything in the world couldn't.

Why then, do people say or feel that they don't need God?

I guess that's where the truth comes to light. And we're all guilty of it. Consciously or subconsciously, we take God for granted, at least once in our lives. There's no denying. Like a vending machine or SOS booth - We only call on Him when there's an emergency, or when we need answers. God becomes convenience, and after awhile, we grow to be independent. The dependence on God vanishes, and we think we're good enough to stand on our own. But we're not.

When did people stop needing things? People need and want more everyday - They expect more, they demand for more, they live for more. So where does more come from?

I'm weak, I'm spoiled, I cry. I need, I want, I expect. And if God can love someone like that, no one else can love me like He does. For who He is, for who He has showed Himself to be, there's a dependence that begins to grab hold of my heart.

It's just like a game of baseball. We run bases, but God takes the home run. At the end of the day, God still takes home the biggest win. Only because He has the whole world in His very hands :)

So, do you need God after all? Without hesitation, I'd say, I DO. Loud and clear. I'll scream and shout it if I must.

It is not on feelings or emotions that our Faith is based upon, but rather, we believed. We believed that we needed God. And we believed after witnessing and experiencing God's providence, faithfulness and grace.

If you've stopped believing, why? Identify and deal.

This is pretty general. Please don't take it personally, unless for reflection or food for thought.

I'm more than convinced that I need to see a doctor after being stubborn for several occasions. I throw in the towel.

When your vision's taken away for a few seconds, your head spins and you're about to fall, you don't even have time to think. It just happens. You have to try hard to breathe, to catch your breath. Then you've to take time to wipe off the cold sweat that keeps surfacing on your skin. It's pretty scary.

Because of it, I bruised my knees. And I've not had bruised knees since I was thrown off a bicycle years ago. If you ask me why I went on my knees, I wouldn't have an answer for you.

The bruises, cuts and scratches hurt more than I remembered. They aren't even deep, it's like a brush of the very first layer and that's it. But they hurt. I don't mean to whine or make weird noises but I only do so because it hurts quite a bit considering they are light injuries.

I asked God what was wrong with me, and I didn't get an answer. I don't quite know what to make out of the entire series of 'hit and runs' but something tells me there's something to learn from it all. I'll figure that out with God.

PS. I just returned from the airport. Brother Yeo is finally home. It's about time the army sent the boys home. Sisters like me, need brothers like, my brother :)

Since this entry is so word-filled, I'll end with introducing a charming little boy who modelled for me! Saaaamuel :)